Monitoring Appointment 2

Today didn’t go as well as I had hoped, and I spent the day crying. I still have the follicle on the right, but might lose it while we wait for the follicles on the left to catch up. I went from 6-7 follicles on the left to having 4 measured between 9 and 11mm.

The nurses were VERY rushed and didn’t spend a lot of time looking for follicles. They didn’t mention if there were any other smaller follicles that would catch up or really tell me much of anything. When it came time to get the flow sheet updated, the nurse literally said “We can’t spend any more time in this room, we need to get to the next one.” Didn’t instill much confidence in the clinic treating me as a person and not just another person walking through the door.

I tried to ask them about the Cetrotide after having a pretty nasty reaction (see pic below) but they didn’t look at the picture and told me to keep taking it.

Cetrotide reaction

The current plan is to continue meds as prescribed and come back Friday for another monitoring appointment and blood draw.

Med list:

• Wednesday- 1 vial Cetrotide in am, 300 IU Follistim, 30 HCG-LH, 6 units Omnitrope, 1 tablet LDN, 400 mg Ubquinol
• Thursday – 1 vial Cetrotide in am, 300 IU Follistim, 30 HCG-LH, 6 units Omnitrope, 1 tablet LDN, 400 mg Ubquinol

Lab test results:

• Estradiol – 779.1 pg/ml
• Progesterone – .155 ng/pl

Total counts:

• Blood draws – 7
• Ultrasounds – 5
• Injections – 61

Pump In Style Advanced Vs. Spectra S2

When it comes to breast pumps there are three big names out there: Medela’s Pump In Style Advanced (PISA), Ameda Purely Yours and Spectra S2. Depending on your location and insurance company, you may qualify for a free or greatly reduced PISA or Purely Yours. I know that when I was looking for the best pump on the market, I researched them all.

The first pump that I got was the PISA through Edgepark. Ordering was quick and easy, and I had my pump 2 days after hitting submit. The PISA features a two phase expression with an automatic let down phase, double electric pump that can also be used as a single pump, lightweight design and several options for carrying.

I was originally thrilled with the PISA. It was light weight, easy to use and easy to clean. I went out and bought extra flanges, extra bottles and a battery operated pack for traveling. The pump was extremely easy to set up, taking only minutes to go from out of the box to ready to use (after sterilizing of course). The one button operation is great when you only have one hand to use for pump operation.

Ultimately I wasn’t very happy with the PISA after my son was born. I had to have the suction turned all the way up in order to be able express any milk at all, which caused swelling and painful nipples. The letdown feature never brought on a let down for me either. After a week of multiple daily uses the motor began to go out and I could only use it as a single pump. The suction was rough and the let down phase does not mimic that of a child. The pump was very loud, so loud that it would wake my husband and sleeping child. There was also a noticeable air leak sound that I could never find the cause of. A call to Medela for support yeilded a new pump being sent overnight, but I had the same issues with the new pump.

Next I tried the Ameda Purely Yours

The Ameda Purely Yours features separate controls for speed and suction. It is a closed system pump meaning the milk does not go into the tubes or the motor. The dual pump can also be used as a single pump.

I really liked the speed and suction controls separate. It gave me more control over how quickly and strongly the pump was working. The built in bottle holders were a big help when done pumping so that milk wouldn’t spill all over if the bottles got tipped. The flanges fit nicely and can be switched out for smaller or larger sizes if need be. The tubing is long enough that you don’t have to sit right next to the pump or strain yourself trying to get the pump to work.

With all the benefits of the Purely Yours, it has a few major flaws. The biggest flaw I found with the pump was that the suction was pretty low even at the highest setting and the pump made an audible beeping noise when on. If you are trying to pump in a quite room, it is quite noisy. I found it quite hard to juggle both of the bottles and the dial at the same time. It doesn’t have the let down feature at the beginning so you have to constantly manually adjust speed and suction to maximize output. Eventually this pump began to lose suction and once it started it was a downward spiral. I tried to replace the tubing and the valves, but still the suction was worse and worse.

My last hope was the Spectra S2. I had read a few blogs from women who swore it was the best pump ever, and got a great deal on one from Amazon.

The S2 is a hospital grade pump with a less than retail price. The S2 features a dual pump with adjustable speed and suction, separate letdown and expression phases, a closed system that prevents milk from getting into the tubes and motor, a nightlight and lightweight design. The S1 also has an internal rechargable battery that allows up to 3 hours of operation without being plugged in.

I love my S2. It was so easy to set up and use. I was able to adjust the cycle and suction to mimic that of my sons sucking patterns and the one button let down/expression allows you to easily switch between the two for maximum pumping output. The flanges fit really nicely and the suction even at its very highest is gentle and doesn’t hurt. I have found that the S2 can empty both of my breasts more quickly and thoroughly than either of the other pumps. The light weight design (less than 3 pounds) makes it really easy to move the pump from room to room. The pump is really quiet when in use and rarely wakes the baby. And the night light feature comes in really handy when you are trying to pump in the middle of the night in the dark.

The S2 does have a wide mouth collection system, which fits the Avent bottles. You can purchase a bottle adapter that will allow you to pump into the Medela collection bottles or any standard neck bottle.

There are of course a few things I don’t like about the S2. First and foremost, the collection bottles are not very sturdy and often tip over from the weight of the flange and valve system. I’ve lost multiple ounces of liquid gold from the bottle tipping over or falling off of the table. There is a built in bottle holder, but it only holds one bottle at a time and doesn’t even hold the one bottle well. When the bottles tip, milk gets into the valve system and causes loss of suction issues. I also don’t like how the pump automatically starts on the expression phase, so if you want to trigger a let down you have to first push the let down button and then switch back to expression once the milk gets flowing. The other thing I don’t like about the S2 is the tubing is sticky and constantly get wound up.

Of the three, I highly recommend spending the money for the S2. You get an amazing pump for half the cost of the PISA and Purely Yours. What you trade in convenience of parts in the store, you make up for in a durable and effective pump.

What pump do you use? 

4 Month Check Up Concerns

Luke is four months old today, and I couldn’t be happier. This has been one of the most wild rides I have ever been on, and I wouldn’t change it for the world. I am so thankful for the opportunity to be a mom.

At four months, most babies go in for routine screening and shots. If you’ve read my previous posts, Luke hasn’t had the easiest of times with medical issues. We’ve been working our way through them and I thought that things were getting better. Well, I was wrong.

I’ll start with the beginning of his appointment. We arrived at the doctors office at 2pm and I had to fill out a development survey. Luke is doing really well and has mastered all of the tasks on the 4 month assessment and some of the stuff on the 6 month assessment. Ronny got Luke undressed and the nurse came in for measurements. Luke weighed 13 pounds 10 ounces, which is the 14th percentile. He is continuing to drop percentiles each time we go in, but is gaining weight overall. He is 25 inches long, and sitting pretty in the 42nd percentile. She had to measure his head twice because it has only grown 1cm in 2 months from 40cm to 41. He went from the 77th percentile down to the 29th. They didn’t seem concerned about that though.

The doctor then came in and asked us how Luke was doing. I brought up my concerns with the continued blood and mucus in his bowel movements despite being 100% dairy and soy free. I also asked about his cough/tugging on ear, lump in his butt crack and continued reflux issues. She gave him a thorough exam, looking in his eyes, ears and mouth, checking his legs and joints for motility issues, took a look at his bum and listened to his heart and lungs. I showed her a picture of one of Luke’s diapers and she could see the mucus and blood in his stool. She had a hemo-something drawn and ordered his shots.

This is where the problems come in. When the doctor was listening to Luke’s heart, she detected a murmur. It was concerning enough that she recommended we go in for an appointment with a pediatric cardiologist to have it assessed. Apparently some babies are born with a small hole in a valve, that grows closed as the baby gets older. Sometimes a murmur forms as the hole is closing and the muscles get stronger. Either way it could be nothing, or it could be something. Only a trained professional can tell us what steps we need to take, but it will probably include an ultrasound of his heart to check everything out.

We also need to go and speak with a pediatric gastrointestinal doctor. Luke’s iron levels were low enough that she was concerned that something is going on in his GI tract given the blood and mucus stools despite switching to a hypoallergenic formula and strict monitoring of my diet. Paired with the continued reflux issues we should really have him more thoroughly evaluated.

To be honest with you all, I went into the appointment terrified that something was wrong. When we were told about the murmur I damn near started to cry. My poor baby already has had so many issues…….he doesn’t need anything else going on. The doctor made a flippant comment about if my husband knew about all of my medical issues before we decided to reproduce. The comment was meant to be funny, but really it made me feel pretty badly. Like I somehow have doomed not only Luke, but all my future babies to a life of medical misery.

Anywho……here’s my little fella at 4 months old….

 

 

Never Thought I Would See The Day

I’ve been somewhat neglecting my blog this week. To be honest the past week has been incredible difficult emotionally and I haven’t felt like communicating with the public very much. The lack of sleep and change in plans with Luke’s arrival have gotten me pretty aggravated and annoyed with pretty much everything. I feel like I’m a cranky, nagging old hag at this point. With the morphine sleep not working and the doctor changing the plans for induction from 40 weeks to 41 weeks, along with the fact that this pregnancy doesn’t seem to want to end…….I have started feeling almost depressed.

I’m not writing this post to get sympathy, or so that people feel bad for me. The fact is, I am just doing the best I can with the hand I was dealt. I want people to know that even when you struggle with infertility, there are still hard days…..days when you are over it and ready to move on. The end of pregnancy is hard. Harder than I thought it would be. I struggle daily with wanting the tiny person out of me so that I can have my body back to myself, but then feeling incredible remorse for wanting him out.

I was telling Ronny this morning that I never thought that we would make it to 40 weeks in a pregnancy, and now that we are looking at that milestone tomorrow I feel like there is no end in sight. I fought hard to get pregnant, fought to stay pregnant, and now am fighting to go into labor and deliver before I have to be induced. Perhaps the most difficult part of the whole thing is that my body is giving me all the signs of impending labor, without actual labor seeming to be anywhere near about to happen.

I have been having contractions for weeks, insomnia, lower back pain, a drastic increase in vaginal discharge (so much so that the OB at my 39+2 week appointment thought my water had broken), losing mucus plug, nausea, diarrhea, and tiny man sinking into my pelvic opening. All of these things point to labor being near, yet at my appointment I hadn’t made any progress as far as dilation or effacement go. With the contractions I’ve been having at night the past few days I know there has been a small change, but nowhere’s near as much as needs to happen. I feel  like there isn’t going to be much change until I actually go into full fledged labor, which won’t happen unless it is helped along. These new contractions only happen at night, and feel like really bad menstrual cramps paired with the feeling in my abdomen like I am involuntarily trying to push out a giant poop.

My hermit ways have had an upside. Aside from my husbands side of the bed, I got the entire apartment cleaned, scrubbed and ready for Luke’s arrival. Now I’m just waiting for the little guy to come. Hopefully he makes his appearance tomorrow on his due date, otherwise we will be meeting with the OB on Thursday to schedule an induction for 41 weeks. I am going to try for a few days shy of 41 weeks, over the weekend so that no one has to take time off of work to be present at the birth of my little man. I guess we shall see how that goes.

For those of you that have gone through labor and delivery, what did your contractions feel like and how long after you started feeling them did you give birth?

37 and 38 Week Bumpdates

Apparently I never actually wrote a bumpdate for week 37, and since it’s time for the 38 week bumpdate I am going to lump them into one post. As of today I have completed week 38 and officially began week 39 of this pregnancy. We are down to 7 days until little man arrives. Time has flown by and I can’t for the life of me figure out where it all went.

Week 37

Week 37 was pretty uneventful I think. I did have an ob appointment where we were thrown a curveball and asked if we would consider laboring with the midwife service rather than the OB service. We opted to remain with the OB service rather than have to fill in whatever midwife was on call at the drop of a hat.

Symptom wise, there was nothing really major to report during week 37 that wasn’t there during week 36. I am still having the same contractions and still haven’t slept. While taking my mom to physical therapy I did feel a popping sensation right above my cervix and a trickle of fluid (more on that in a minute). Other than that it was just a regular week.

I weighed in at 144.4 this week and my waist is measuring at 42.5″ around. Overall I have gained 42.8 pounds and have gained 15.5″ around.

The pictures on the far left are from week 36, the pictures on the right are from week 37

Week 38

Week 38 started off with a trip to OB screening after the popping sensation that I felt the day before led to more intense contractions. You can read about that experience here and here.

Needless to say, I was sent home again with pretty much no change from the week before. I was offered a morphine induced sleep at my 38 week ob appointment which I declined at the time so I could get some last minute things accomplished and opted instead to come in that Saturday to do it. At this point the fatigue is killing me and I bawled in the doctors office like a child who just got her candy taken away.

On Friday night, I started losing my mucus plug and decided that I would hold of on the morphine sleep in case my body decided to pick up the pace a bit and send me into active labor. No such luck. Every morning I wake up and think that today is the day I am going to get some sleep, and notice more and more of the plug coming out and think that labor is going to start that day.

Being so close to the end has really increased the mood swings. Most of the time I am fine, but I have moments where I am completely inconsolable. What the hell did I do? I’m going to be an amazing mommy, but I don’t know if I am actually ready for this…..and I know I’m not ready for my relationship with my husband to change. I am going to miss the us time, being able to sleep in until noon and go wherever we want whenever we want.

Contractions are obviously still going strong. Today they were so bad that it took me an hour to get out of my parents bed. I am to the point where I need babysitting and wasn’t quite ready to stop trying to sleep. My back and pelvis ache constantly, increasing in intensity with each contraction. I have this weird pain just above my right hip that makes laying on my left side impossible. Every time I lay on my left side it feels as if my hip bone is going to break.

I’m a puffy and swollen mess. My feet feel like they are going to split open when I walk and I cannot make a fist with either hand anymore. My legs are starting to swell well above the ankle as well. I have tried everything I can possible think of to reduce the swelling, but nothing works. At this point I am pretty over it and realize that it won’t be going away until the baby gets here.

Despite everything that is going on with me, Luke is doing amazingly well. He is up to roughly 6.5 pounds and his heart rate was steady and strong while we were being monitored at the hospital. His movements are hurting more and more and it seems as if he is trying to figure out how to fully engage in my pelvis. He still is rotating back and forth from the left to the right sides, which leads me to believe that something isn’t quite right.

I weighed in this morning at 145.8, gaining only 4 ounces this week. I am glad that the weight gain slowed down some because I am starting to push the upper limit of where I should be. I am not usually hungry but try to make sure I get some food into me for Luke’s sake. My waist is up to 43.75″ and has definitely dropped some. Again the far left 2 pictures are from week 37, the right 3 pictures are this week.

My 39 week OB appointment is on Thursday. I am going to demand an ultrasound to check fluid levels, positioning and the size of the baby. I am also going to discuss with them setting an induction date of 39w6d at night so that I am a full 40 weeks when he is born if there isn’t a change between now and then. In the meantime, I am doing as many of the safe home induction techniques as I can. I have been walking like crazy, sitting on a yoga ball and bouncing/rocking, nipple stimulation, curb walking and just trying to coax the little guy out. I guess we shall see if I have made any progress in a few days.

35 Week Bumpdate

OMG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Today marks the start of week 36 and the last month or so that I will be pregnant with this baby. I don’t quite know how the week flew by so fast, but fly by it did! I was able to get the bumpdates for weeks 32, 33 and 34 uploaded to YouTube this week. I know I am way behind but it is what it is. If you haven’t already subscribed, you can see the videos here. Onto the juicy stuff for the week.

First up in the ever so fun symptoms category was extreme exhaustion. I spent a great deal of time asleep this week. I couldn’t seem to keep my eyes open, and when I was awake I was quick to tire and quick to rest my eyes. I haven’t felt exhaustion like this ever, so it’s really surprising to be so tired. As tired as I am, I still wake up every hour and a half to two hours to go pee.

Speaking of peeing – frequent urination still is at the top of the list of symptoms. Ronny told me the other day that it sounds like I am squeezing a bottle of water into the toilet when I use the restroom. How he can hear me pee when he’s in the next room I don’t know, but he is correct. There is a lot of it, and it comes out incredibly quickly. I think a lot of it has to do with the baby sinking lower and lower into my pelvis.

I am still incredibly emotional this week. By far the funniest (now) cry-fest was when Dunkin Donuts gave my husband the wrong flavor. He asked for vanilla filled and they gave him vanilla iced…..I cried and refused to eat my donuts out of protest. It was an ugly cry too……snot dripping down the face cry. I only stopped once I saw him with one of the “wrong” donuts. Mostly I have been crying over stupid things, but occasionally I have gotten so angry that I wanted to beat the crap out of someone.

Constipation is still a hit and miss kind of a thing. Some days I go a ton, sometimes I skip a few days. You can always tell the ones that tiny tot was laying on because they are all smooshed and broken. At times I think the child is actively preventing me from pooping!

My chest has had some problems with heart burn this week. I feel like I swallowed a bowling pin or something. It doesn’t really burn per say but I do get an unbelievable amount of pressure in my chest that only goes away with antacids and laying on my side.

Speaking of laying on my side, Luke seems to think it’s fun to scoot over to whichever side I am laying on and roll around or kick my sides making it incredibly uncomfortable to lay down. If I roll to the other side, he rolls over there too. This has made sleeping somewhat difficult, but sometimes I can catch him in a nap and get a snooze in myself. Ronny said when I am asleep and Luke is kicking, I look like one of those toys that has a bag and a tail that roll around on the ground.

Contractions are still coming at the same 6-10 minute pace the have been for weeks. We did find out that since he has flipped head down, I have actually started to efface. We were at 50% on Thursday (35 weeks 2 days), but it has definitely thinned some more since then. I guess the contractions and lightening crotch are actually doing something! It does get way worse when I am up walking around, so I try to stay pretty still so I don’t kick things off early, but in a few days I am going to start walking up a storm to see if we can get the ball rolling by the time I am considered to be at term.

Luke’s bones have finished developing (according to the apps), which means that his movements are incredibly noticeable and incredibly painful. I have a video of his movements this week that I am about to upload to YouTube. The doctor we saw on Thursday estimated him to be about 5.5 pounds at 35 weeks. According to the percentiles this is a bit on the smaller side, but according to the doctor he is right on track to be about 7.5 pounds at birth. She also estimated him to be about 18 inches long or so, which is great considering his daddy is 6 foot 4 (compared to his 5 foot even mommy). He has gotten the hiccups every single night for about 30 minutes at a time. It feels like I have a ticking time bomb inside of me. It is the weirdest feeling ever! One quick note on his fetal position: because my abdominal muscles have separated so much, Luke is engaged but still unstable. At the moment he is head down but his head is facing my left hip but his legs are off to the right. So he is looking left but his body is to the right.

My belly grew a TON this week. It went from 41 inches last week to 43.5 inches this week. All in all I have grown an extra 16.5 inches around! I must have been crazy to think that I wouldn’t get that big. I have been having some issues with how big I am, but when we did the belly cast yesterday I was shocked to see how big I actually am. I guess I thought I was smaller than I am, but still larger than I thought I would be.

Here is a sneak peek at the belly casting process

When I weighed in this morning I was at 137.6 pounds. That’s up a pound and a half from last week, but still well within my range for the whole pregnancy. I don’t know how I am gaining so much weight seeing as that I haven’t really changed the way I have been eating. If anything I have been eating less because it is hot as hell outside and I haven’t had an appetite in weeks. Oh well!

Here is my bump pictures. The ones on the left and middle of me in the skirt are from this week, the ones on the right are from last week for comparison.

Its bizarre the way my bump always leans to the left like that. I wonder if it would be straighter if my abdominal muscles wouldn’t have split apart?

33 Week Bumpdate

If I am being completely honest, I was so busy during week 33 that I didn’t pay much attention to what was going on with my body. Of course I wasn’t completely oblivious to what my body was doing though, so I have some things to update on. In week 33, I spent a lot of time taking care of my mom after her foot surgery and making sure the boys were well taken care of. Ronny and I also went on a mini vacation down to his mom’s house and took some maternity photos.

Because I was so busy and constantly on the go, I had some pretty extreme swelling this week. My feet were so puffy that I couldn’t spread my toes and my toes didn’t touch the ground. I did get some compression socks, which helped my feet out a tiny bit. There is no hope for my sausage fingers. They were so swollen that when I tried to put my wedding ring on (I haven’t worn my rings since probably week 18 or so due to swelling) I couldn’t get it over my first knuckle. I really hope that goes away or we are going to need to resize my ring after Luke comes.

The shift in Luke going from transverse to head down caused a lot of pelvic pain and pressure. The little man has been floating back and forth between transverse and head down for a few days, but about halfway through the week he seems to have decided head down is the way to go. His head is not only down, but very low which has caused more pain and discomfort than I care for. The feeling that I get is a combination of severe menstraul cramps, deep pressure and the constant feeling that I am about to poop.

I am no longer constipated. I never thought I would see the day that it happened, but I have (TMI) not stopped pooping for a few days. It’s amazing how light you feel after you have pooped out about 5 pounds. I almost wonder if Luke’s positional shift unblocked me.

My nipples started leaking. I have gotten small little drops here and there from about week 21, but mostly I will wake up with damp nipples in the morning. This week however I have been producing enough colostrum to run down my nipple and onto my breast. At first I didn’t know what it was because I always thought colostrum was supposed to be yellow, and what I am producing is clear…….apparently it can be clear to yellow in color. Needless to say, my husband no longer wants to play with my boobs because they are now dripping. Oddly enough, when I start to leak, my nipples start to burn.

I don’t know if it is the lack of sleep or the stress of everyday life, but this week I have been really cranky. I was rude to the OB in my doctor appointment, which never happens. I have been snapping at my husband and my mom and really want to punch someone (I have never in my life punched anyone). Oh well.

I continue to be short of breath. The doctor upped my dosage of Qvar which has helped some, but I go throughout the day feeling like I cannot catch my breath. It is almost like I am unable to get a full breath in me.

Luke is doing really well. He is constantly moving and squirming around. He does like to roll back and forth with his back going up my left side to going up my right side. He is definitely facing my spine though, so I think that’s good. I have been getting a lot of comments on how I know what position Luke is in all the time. I am going to be filming a youtube video explaining just how I know and will post it here if anyone is interested in watching it. Little man isn’t so little anymore. He is roughly 18 inches long and weighs in at approximately 5 pounds now.

I have gotten a bit bigger as well. My abdomen now measures 41.5 inches around and a lot of my clothes no longer cover my bump. I weighed in at 133.6 this week. I did have a TON to eat the day before my weigh in though, but either way I am up 32 pounds overall. I am really proud of myself for not gaining a ton of weight throughout the pregnancy. I know that 24 pounds or so of that is from the pregnancy itself, so I have only really put on 8 pounds of fat which is needed to produce breast milk.

Has The Baby Gone Head Down?

I have been worried for weeks that Luke has been lying transverse essentially from conception. There was a great deal of talk about performing an external version at 35 weeks if he hadn’t flipped head down yet, or the possibility of a planned c-section at 37 weeks if the version didn’t work/we decided against the version. In the few days leading up to my 33 week appointment, the baby went from transverse left to breech, from breech to transverse right, from transverse right to head down and from head down to transverse left again.

At my 33 week appointment Luke was head down with his back to my belly. He has floated in and out of that position throughout the weekend, but with all the walking I did during our maternity shoot and going to the Renaissance Festival he seems to have settled head down deep in my pelvis. If I had to venture a guess, I would say that he is definitely at least 3/5 engaged at this point. I am very uncomfortable and his position is downright painful! It’s a mixture of severe menstrual cramps, deep pelvic pressure and the constant feeling that I have to poop. Every time he moves his head I get an electric shock to the vagina. I’ve been peeing like crazy……every 5-10 minutes, and I am so gassy as well. The other odd thing about Luke being head down is the amount of lower back pain I have. It hurts really bad, and I can barely walk at this point in time.

So what does this mean for the future? Obviously if he is head down we will not need to do the version or planned c-section. The hospital I am delivering at doesn’t do planned c-sections unless it is an emergency so I am now looking at the possibility of a vaginal birth. It’s so funny because I was so distraught over the possibility of a c-section, and now that I have finally come to terms with the c-section and it’s looking more like a vaginal birth I am starting to freak out. As of tomorrow we have 6 weeks or less to go and I think that the majority of my anxiety comes from the unknown. I don’t know when he is coming, or how he’s going to get here. I don’t know if I am going to be able to handle the pains of childbirth with no pain medications (or narcotics at the very most). I don’t quite know what is going to happen.

How long after your baby engaged did you give birth? Was there anything that you did that helped with the pain?

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I Didn’t Know Pregnancy Would Be This Hard: When Reality Doesn’t Meet Expectations

I would like to preface this post by saying that I am incredibly grateful for the opportunity I have been given, and thank my lucky stars daily. The fact that I am finally pregnant after enduring so much has made the entire experience such a blessing and I wouldn’t trade it for anything in the world.

When I was struggling with infertility I remember reading post after post on social media, forums and blogs in which pregnant women were complaining about their pregnancy. From nausea to weight gain, fatigue to sore feet, swollen body parts, cravings and fetal movements. I remember sitting there thinking, and yes even yelling at the computer screen at times, “be grateful for what you have, at least you can conceive. Don’t you know that there are so many women struggling who would gladly take your place?” I said numerous times that I would take the worst pregnancy in the world, if I could just have a healthy baby.

When I finally did get pregnant, I told myself and anyone who would ask that I wouldn’t complain and that I would be happy with whatever life threw at me because I was finally having a baby. What I didn’t realize at the time was what exactly was going to be thrown my way. Pregnancy definitely isn’t as easy as I thought it was going to be. In fact, to date it is probably the most physically, emotionally and mentally difficult thing I have done in my life.

Pregnancy is glorified in movies, on tv, and even by other pregnant women. When you think of pregnancy, you think of hearing the heartbeat, finding out the sex, prenatal appointments, feeling movements and eating whatever you want. Very rarely do you hear about the less than fun side of being pregnant. In a lot of ways I was completely unprepared for the more difficult aspects of being pregnant. No one talked about the nausea, mood swings, body aches and pains. I am here to give some of my experiences in the hopes that other pregnant women will not feel as disappointed as I have (at times) when their pregnancy is less than ideal.

Morning Sickness:

Expectation: Some nausea when you wake up that goes away after you have had breakfast.

Reality: Your stomach declaring war on the toilet (and anything else that can be puked on or in). If I had to compare it to anything in the world I would say that it most closely resembles severe food poisoning combined with the worst flu that you have had in your life, multiplied by 20…..every single day.

Constipation:

Expectation: No one mentions constipation when they are talking about their pregnancy. I thoroughly expected to produce my regular amount of bowel movements.

Reality: Consider yourself lucky if you poop every 3-4 days. Pregnancy certainly slows the bowels down so much that it feels like you poo on a snails schedule. When you do finally “go” one of two things happens: 1) You create a super tiny pile of rabbit pellets that are rock hard and feel no relief OR 2) you have an explosive poo that takes several flushes to get down the drain.

Flatulence:

Expectation: This one took me by surprise. I don’t think I had ever heard anyone complain ever about the increase in methane they are releasing into the atmosphere.

Reality: I don’t know how the gas gets through the bowels, but it does. I have been blessed to fart often but very few of them actually smell.

Increased Urination:

Expectation: A few extra trips to the bathroom every day.

Reality: A trip to the bathroom every 5 minutes. You might as well move into the bathroom for the next 9 months because you are going to be spending a lot of time there. The worst part is going pee and wiping only to have to pee the second you get your hands washed.

Back Pain/Body Aches

Expectation: A little bit of pain on occasion such as when you work too hard in the garden.

Reality: Feeling like you got sacked by the entire defense of your favorite football team…..every few minutes for the entire day. Your entire body hurts, all the time. The further along you get the more pain your body is in, to the point that you can barely move it hurts so bad.

Fetal Movement

Expectation: Glorious little flutters that tickle.

Reality: An MMA cage match, with your abdomen as the cage. The first little movements are amazing, but it quickly fades to a series of jabs, kicks and rolls that leave you feeling like Bella in Twilight when the baby is trying to claw its way out. By far in my experience are when he drags his knee from one end of my belly to the other, and sticks his feet under my ribs.

 Discharge

Expectation: No one tells you about this – I will.

Reality: You might as well wear a pad daily. Your vaginal discharge will increase tenfold, and chances are it will at some point make you look like you have peed your pants.
My expectations of pregnancy were vastly different than my experiences. It has impacted my pregnancy, but overall I am still so excited to be pregnant and am so overjoyed to have the experiences that I have had.

What would you say was different in your expectations vs reality in your pregnancy or on your journey to having a baby?

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32 Week Bumpdate

Holy Guacamole!!! 32 weeks have gone by and I am still pregnant. Who would have ever thought that it could happen to me? I am so amazed everyday at what my body is doing (although sometimes I’m ready to just have my body back to myself) and so incredibly thankful for the miracle that is growing inside of me.

Week 32 started out with quite the scare and another trip to labor and delivery. Thankfully everything was okay, and I was sent home for some rest and relaxation. I didn’t get much rest or relaxation due to my birthday, my anniversary and my mom having surgery…….but I didn’t go back to labor and delivery so that is a plus.

Symptom wise I had a whole lot of the same things, with just a few differences:

Nausea/Vomiting: Yep! Still puking and still sick feeling all the time. I am starting to get used to the feeling and try not to complain too much about it anymore. We knew that it was probably going to last the whole pregnancy and now I am hoping that when Luke is delivered the nausea and vomiting go away.

Moodiness: Okay, so I have been crying non-stop this week. I am just feeling so overwhelmed with everything that has been going on and hormones definitely aren’t helping the situation out AT ALL. I haven’t cried in the bottom of the closet in a while, but I have been close a few times.

Contractions: One thing we learned in the labor and delivery ward at the hospital was that I am experiencing an early onset of preterm contractions. Long gone are the days of Braxton Hicks…..and oh, how I miss them. At least they weren’t painful. My contractions are currently sitting between 5 and 15 minutes apart and have been since Memorial Day. I’m not too worried, and neither is the doctor. My mom actually had preterm contractions with my brother but they had to give her medicine to make her labor stop.

Bladder Control: My bladder seems to have grown a brain this week and decides when it will and will not empty. Usually it decides to empty itself at the worst possible moment (like the Rockies game on my birthday, or at my husbands work). It gets really bad when Luke starts moving around down there and bumps into it.

Nipple Wetness: This one may be TMI, but who cares?!?! If I have something resting on my chest or if something rubs on my nipples, they get sort of moist. I haven’t seen any actual fluid come out of them yet but they feel like a rung out wash cloth. When it dries my nipple gets a kind of weird crust to it that I have to go wash off. I think my boobs are starting to figure out this whole milk as a means of food thing.

Difficulty Breathing: I don’t know if its my asthma acting up or if its the increasing size of my tiny tot, but I have had some pretty difficult times with breathing lately. The inhaler works some of the time, but I have a constant pressure in my chest that just won’t go away. I’ve tried antacids too thinking it might be heart burn but it doesn’t really do the trick either. I have been measuring my peak flow when I can and cannot breath and am still in the yellow and red areas.

Increased sex drive: Mom and mother in law….if you’re reading this, skip this symptom. In the first trimester I had no desire whatsoever to be romantic with my husband. In fact I didn’t want him to touch me aside from a hug and a snuggle. The second trimester hit and I was a bit more willing and able to achieve orgasm until my belly started getting in the way. Nothing sexier than a baby kicking in the middle of a nice steamy moment. Now that we are approaching our final weeks of pregnanthood, I find myself so incredibly attracted to my husband. I can’t seem to get enough of him. I don’t think he minds, but he also knows that he will be sex free for at least a month after the tiny person arrives.

Anxious: It may be the fact that this pregnancy is coming to an end, or the fact that Luke is being stubborn and causing mommy some grief but my level of anxiety is higher every day. I am anxious for his arrival, of not knowing what is going to happen and just worried that we don’t have everything we are going to need to properly care for this little guy.

Fatigue/Insomnia: The level of sleepiness I am feeling has no words. I am so exhausted and push through the days only to not be able to get much sleep at night. I struggle throughout the day and I think it is starting to be noticeable. “Charlie” has stopped asking me to play in the hose with him and would rather curl up on my belly and watch some shows on my iPad.

Luke is still doing fantastic. Although technically part of my 33 week bumpdate, Luke did make it to the breech position on Sunday night, but was back to transverse Monday morning. He did flip though so his head was on my right and his legs were on my left. Last night he was able to make it head down for a few hours but I was so uncomfortable in so much pain he must have felt it and flipped back to his original transverse position by the time I woke up. You can see from the picture that he was able to get his butt up by my ribs and created a nice little shelf.

As far as weight gain and size goes, last week I weighed in at 133.?. This week I weighed in at 130.4 I’m not sure how I lost 3 pounds in a week but it happened. Overall I am up 28.8 pounds since my pre-pregnancy weight and expect to be roughly 137 if I make it the full 40 weeks. So……not too shabby. I did gain another inch in the midsection this week, measuring in at a whopping 42 inches around! I’ve gained 15 inches in the midsection!! I did read an interesting thing though that said that after 33 weeks you don’t get much larger around because the baby has reached their birth height and is focusing on putting on fat.

We did get almost everything we need from our registry. Some of the stuff we still need is cheaper online than it was in the store so I need to get that ordered, but we are almost done.

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