Trying to conceive is a very personal journey for everyone. Some people (me included) are more public in their journey to parenthood than others. As open as I am about our journey to parenthood, there are things that I never told anyone (and probably never will). I absolutely love being a mommy. This is the hardest, and most rewarding job I have ever had.
When we were struggling to conceive every pregnancy announcement hit me like a ton of bricks. I was in one of the lowest of lows of my life. I saw people struggle to have one, go on to have number 2 and sometimes even 3 before I had yet to conceive number one. When I finally got pregnant, I felt (and even still feel) guilty for finally achieving one of my dreams, when so many others were still struggling.
Knowing how hurt I was by subsequent pregnancy announcements, I vowed to never spring a pregnancy announcement on anyone in the ttc community. Now before you freak out…..no I’m not pregnant. At this point my husband and I are not actively trying to get pregnant. That being said, we aren’t actively preventing another pregnancy at this point either. I have been taking an ovulation test daily, but have yet to see a positive or the return of Aunt Flow.
Revealing to the world that we are not trying, but not preventing is somewhat terrifying. I know that there are going to be people out there who think that trying again so soon is a horrible idea. Believe me when I tell you that my husband and I have been informed of the risks of conception so soon after delivery. We have discussed our options and feel that this is the best for our family.
We went through a lot to have Luke. Having gone through such heart ache and loss, I’m not at a place where I believe that we will be able to easily conceive again. At this point, our plan is to not try, but not prevent through the holidays. If we aren’t successful by February, we will start actively trying. If we still aren’t successful by the time Luke turns 1 we will go back to the fertility clinic for assistance.