What Comes Next For Our Family?

This past 5 months have been rough! From surprise pregnancy and handling all of the complications that came along with my pregnancies, to finding out we lost the baby….and everything in between, life got CRAZY. Now that we’ve had some time to process everything that has happened, we have made some pretty  big decisions as far as the future of our family goes.

For the past 5 weeks I have been taking a pregnancy test 1-2 times a week to make sure my HcG levels were dropping. I’m not sure why the doctors office decided they didn’t want to follow my levels down, but since they weren’t I did on my own. For the first 3 weeks, the second line on the pregnancy test got lighter. The test at 4 weeks out was darker than the one at 3 weeks, and the one at 5 weeks was even darker. We were highly concerned that I conceived again immediately after the D&E but before I could start on birth control pills.

I went in on Monday for a beta hcg test, but had to go back on Tuesday because the tube they used to draw my blood had expired the day before and the lab refused to run the test. I was supposed to come back in on Thursday to make sure the level was going down and not up. The past few days I have been spotting when I wipe but nothing major. This morning I had full heavy bleeding so I called in to see if they still wanted to do the second beta. The first one came back at 4, so they said with the bleeding I wouldn’t need to go in.

This left a big question for what we would do if we were to conceive again, and what should we do if we weren’t pregnant now. My husband and I discussed these two things at length for the past few weeks. We talked to each other, we talked to our doctors and we talked to our family members. At the end of the day, we have to put our children (both alive and future) and our family first and do what’s best for everyone.

We have decided that I will be having a salpingectomy – I will have my Fallopian tubes removed. After speaking in depth with my OB when I was pregnant with Logan and my OB for my pregnancy with Lily about what options we had. Given the fact that we have 2 living children out of 7 pregnancies, and the other health issues I have…..it is in our best interest to have my tubes removed to prevent pregnancy from occurring. There is less than a 1% chance of pregnancy with a tubal ligation, even less with complete removal of the tubes. It also comes with the added bonus of lowering my risk for ovarian cancer in the future. This will also mean that I will no longer be able to conceive naturally again.

We also discussed our options for having another child in the future, because I still would like to try for one more baby. We have no idea why we lost our first 4 miscarriages. The first 3 were attributed to a uterine septum, but that isn’t a guarantee. We have no idea why we lost the baby we conceived right before we conceived Logan. We have an educated guess as to why we lost Lily – a large portion of her placenta was not attached to my uterus, so we think that she was struggling to get the nutrients she needed to grow. My hyperemesis is also a suspected factor in malnourishment and dehydration contributing to her loss.

For these reasons, both doctors (and my husband and I) feel like our best option to have another child is to pursue IVF with genetic testing to make sure that whatever embryo(s) are implanted a genetically healthy, and make sure that my body is in a place where it can carry a pregnancy to term.

I have mixed feelings about all of this, as I am sure anyone would. Part of me is so incredibly relieved to not have to worry constantly if my birth control methods are going to fail and have to go through another pregnancy only to have it end in a loss. Another part of me is sad that this is the end of me getting pregnant on my own. We’ll never have a surprise pregnancy that ends with the birth of a child. Part of me is terrified that this is the end of our journey as far as having kids goes. I’m scared that we won’t be able to afford IVF, or that it won’t work and we’ll have spent tens of thousands of dollars and still not have a child out of it.

At the end of the day I have to remember that I am doing this to better the life of my children and my family, and pray that we can one day afford IVF.

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