Remaining Optimistic When You’re Scared

I’m just going to put it out there…… I am trying really hard to remain positive, and approach each new “thing” with optimism. But as everyone knows, when things don’t go according to plan, I tend to panic a bit. It’s not something I plan on doing, it just kinda sorta happens.

When I found out we were pregnant again, I felt really good about the pregnancy. When I went to the fertility clinic for my first beta, the nurse had me worried when she said that my hcg level was lower than they like to see at 28 miu/mL. I was worried for the next 2 days while I waited to go in for my second beta. When it came back at 116 I was more than thrilled. I was doing well until yesterday after physical therapy. Out of nowhere I got these cramps that felt like molten lava being injected into my uterus. It hurt so bad and I was so dizzy! I called the clinic and they said to get to the e.r. immediately as it sounded like an ectopic rupture. 

When I got to the er, I was rushed in and initial blood draws were taken. An ultrasound tech came in and gave me a scan and then we waited. It seemed like an eternity! From what my husband and I could see on the screen, there was one tiny gestational sac in my uterus. My beta came back at 1504, which is still good. The only thing is that since I’m still really early, they can’t guarantee that the pregnancy is uterine and they weren’t able to definitively say that the pregnancy was progressing as it should. Yes, we saw a sac, my numbers are great, and my uterus is doing what it should in terms of thickening and stretching. BUT, that’s no guarantee. 

I am supposed to call the fertility clinic first thing Monday morning for a repeat blood draw and possibly a repeat scan to make sure the sac is getting bigger and not going away. 

So how does one stay optimistic and continue to believe everything will be okay? The only thing I can do is focus on taking care of Luke and putting my trust in the Lord that he will see me through this….hopefully with a beautiful baby at the end of the road. 

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12 thoughts on “Remaining Optimistic When You’re Scared

  1. It’s so hard to stay positive when you’re so nervous, and especially when it’s so early. The thing I hate the most that they say to you when there are possible issues at that point is “This early, there’s nothing we can do, you just have to wait it out.” I completely understand what you’re going through. Hell, even though I was shown that my baby is fine on Friday, I’ve still been kinda worried all weekend. I don’t think that nagging fear and worry ever goes away, unfortunately. I get myself through the days telling myself that as far as I know, everything is fine, and baby is great and growing and happy. It’s all you can do. At least you have Luke to keep you occupied and distracted!! Hang in there, and good luck on Monday. *hugs*

    Liked by 1 person

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