Crankbot 5000, Hypocrite and Ovulation

Pretty sure I gave birth to a crankbot 5000. Luke has been the epitome of fussy the past few days, and it’s driving me nuts. He’s happy for all of about 4 minutes before getting fussy. He refuses to let anyone else hold him for more than a few minutes at a time, and God forbid I leave the room or put him down.

I’m not sure what’s going on with him. It could still be a bit of a GI response to the immunizations he had on Friday……but it started before then, so I don’t know. He could have a bit of a tummy ache from the butternut squash we trialed. I thought he was doing well with it until I noticed a rash that wouldn’t go away, and just got worse. So, I guess his butt could be bothering him too. He could be going though a stage, or he could just be all of a sudden clingy. All I know is his constant whining and fussing and downright crying is really starting to wear me down (and get me depressed).

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Speaking of feelings, I feel like such a hypocrite when it comes to pregnancy announcements. I am genuinely happy for some people, and some announcements really stir up negative emotions. I don’t really know how to say this without upsetting anyone, but it’s how I feel and I’m not going to sugar coat it here. (Disclaimer – I am happy for all of these women who are expanding their families, but I have some negative feelings in regards to the announcements at the same time because of what we have had to go through). 

The first is an online friend who got pregnant her first month trying. A mere 5 weeks after delivering her first, she found out she was expecting #2. Her second baby is a few weeks younger than Luke and she just found out that she is expecting her third. Now don’t get me wrong, I am happy for her. I know that she wanted a large family. BUT……..3 kids in 19 months? How is that fair? So many women struggle for YEARS before finally becoming a parent. Hearing about super fertility (or maybe it’s normal fertility, which I don’t hear about very often), really makes me feel so bad about myself. Why can’t my body do that too? Maybe it’s jealousy…… with a bit of anger thrown in.

A second friend private messaged me on Facebook the other day saying she is pregnant and waiting to announce until she has made it to the safety of the second trimester. I am happy that this friend is expanding her family, but at the same time she has quite literally never wanted children. She has also admitted that this was a very unexpected pregnancy……and she isn’t happy about being pregnant. For real? There are millions of women (1 in 8) struggling and you’re over here complaining because you accidentally got pregnant? She’s going to be a great mom in roughly 9 months, but why complain about something millions of women would give their left arm, right leg and one eye for? Again, I feel jealous that someone who didn’t even want to be a mother was able to conceive so easily while others who want this more than anything struggle.

A third friend just announced that after almost 2 years of trying, a devastating miscarriage, PCOS diagnosis, numerous failed IUI’s, blood clots that postponed IVF, and finally making it to transfer……..she is PREGNANT. You can read all about her journey over at My Brain’s Escape. This friend I am truly happy for. I have no negative feelings surrounding her pregnancy announcement at all. She has been to the depths of hell and back….and is finally FINALLY going to have a baby!

I feel like such a hypocrite. I am genuinely excited for women who have struggled to get pregnant, but have a harder time being happy for those who didn’t struggle at all. At the same time, I have an almost 7 month old and can’t wait for the day I can announce that Luke is having a little brother or sister. I know that their will be people unhappy with my announcement too. Why should I get two babies, when they are still struggling for their first? This infertility stuff just isn’t fair!

Onto ovulation. I’m on cycle day 12. You can see my cycle day 11 opk live video here. I normally don’t ovulate until CD 16 or 17 depending on the cycle. CD 11 was pretty close to positive and CD 12 I got a solid smile on the Clear Blue Digital Advance, the Dollar Tree test was only slightly negative and the Wondfo was really close to positive as well. Later in the day the Dollar Tree test was definitely positive and the Wondfo was right on the cusp of positive. This is a solid 5 days earlier than I normally ovulate, so I’m not sure what’s going on. Either way we’re just rolling with it, and I’m trying to convince my hubby to have some fun without letting him know I’m ovulating yet.

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9 thoughts on “Crankbot 5000, Hypocrite and Ovulation

  1. Babies just cycle through stages of separation anxiety and some get it worse than others. My friend’s little girl would barely be held by anyone else for almost the first year. I think I managed to hold her twice without tears! She even used to wig out a bit with her dad. So Luke sounds like a pretty normal baby to me. Nothing to worry about. I am sure it will ease again at some point. It is tricky though for sure 🙂

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  2. Good luck this cycle! I hope this is it for you!

    Please don’t beat yourself up about your feelings toward pregnancy announcements. So many of us are right there with you. It’s really hard to see getting (and staying) pregnant come so easy for so many people. I too feel so genuinely happy for those in the trenches getting positives and having babies and yet I do get bummed out about my fertile friends announcements. You are not alone!

    I hope Luke feels better soon!! Poor little guy.

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  3. I hope Luke feels better soon and gives you a break.

    I 100% understand the pregnancy announcements thing. I’ve really had to work on it myself. It sucks because, no, it isn’t fair.

    As far as the early ovulation thing goes, just start touching him maybe? Lol. That works for me. Good luck. I hope this is your month.

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  4. I don’t think pregnancy announcements ever get easier when you go through infertility. Even though I have two beautiful girls and am done having kids, I still get stung every time someone announces their pregnancy, particularly “if they weren’t even trying!”

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  5. I hope Luke starts feeling better soon. I totally get it about the pregnancy announcement thing…if it isn’t a good friend, it drives me insane to see others announce pregnancy or even the birth of their baby, or post updates about either. Not that I’m not happy for them…it’s a hard feeling to describe, unless you’re “one of us” who gets it. Thank you for the kind words, by the way!

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  6. Hi , I had 3 kids under 3 in a non planned , just sort of happened way and was definately aware of people judging me for irresponsibly multiplying and biting off more than I could chew ( I hadn’t they’re all lovely adults now but it was blooming hard work at times ) I wasn’t aware of the resentment I was causing to the non pregnant – the trying to ‘s and the silent just losts – it upsets me to think that women might have hated me and deemed me smug because of my ability to get pregnant ( whilst using contraception and with small children in the house ! It is a miracle ) My family wasn’t planned – who would give themselves 3 kids under 3?! but I gave it my all .Hating people for getting pregnant easily is like hating people for being tall or short or thin or ginger – it’s just a fluke of nature – I’m sure if the shoe was on the other foot you wouldn’t resent the girl who was still trying while you struggled on heavily pregnant with 2 toddlers in tow . Yes some people ” deserve ” a baby more than others but we don’t get to decide .

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