When Your Family Hates You

**Disclaimer: If you are a family member and reading this, I am most probably not talking about you, seeing as that you are reading my blog and therefore actually interested in how things are going with us. You’ll see what I mean further down in the post. If you are worried that you are someone I am talking about, feel free to ask.**

I have an amazing immediate family. My husband is amazing and there for me regardless. My mom, dad, brother and sister have always been number one fans. I was blessed with an amazing and caring mother in law, brother in laws and sister in laws and grandmother in law. Beyond that, how family members feel about my family is kind of hit or miss. Of course we have a ton of love and support from some family members (you know who you are), but there are also family members who could care less and show it.

For as long as I can remember, certain family members on my dad’s side of the family have treated my dad, mom, siblings and myself like shit. Growing up, I would watch as aunts and uncles would exchange Christmas presents with everyone but our family. I would have to bring my own food to family gatherings because no one could seem to remember that I couldn’t eat gluten, and then would complain because I wasn’t eating what they made. Well wishes on birthdays were non-existent and it was apparent that no one really cared.

As I’ve grown older, I really don’t care anymore for my sake. I am the kind of person that can cut you out of my life quicker than you can blow out a candle depending on the circumstances. I don’t really care to associate with anyone who can treat their family (my family) so poorly and think that it’s okay. Where my heart hurts (and doesn’t at the same time) is that my son will grow up probably never meeting a large part of his family.

When my sister was pregnant with my nephew “Charlie” my mom received calls daily asking how my sister was doing, how the baby was doing, if they needed anything, if she’s delivered yet, when can they go to the hospital…..everything.

No one on my dads side of the family even knew that I was pregnant until they received a baby shower invitation in the mail…..and then it was assumed that my sister was pregnant with a third child not that I was pregnant with my first. The only person to come to the shower was my dads mother (I cannot and will not call her a grandmother EVER), and she only came long enough to collect the rent check from my brother before leaving. No one asked how the pregnancy was going, if we knew if we were having a boy or a girl, when I was due…..nothing.

No one knew when I delivered. No one  called to see if they could come to the hospital or find out if Luke was doing alright. My son is 11 days away from being 7 months old and has yet to meet my dads mother or any of my dads siblings. No one has bothered to see how everything is going, and have no clue about all of his “issues.” No one cares.

As things unfold, and I distance myself even further from certain family members, I am even more thankful for all of the amazing people in my life that do care about us. My dads best friend since they were tiny, and his siblings, are better Aunts and Uncles than people I share blood with. Their parents were better grand parents to us than our own grand parents were.

At the end of the day, I don’t really care that my family doesn’t care about me or my son. I’m sad that he will most likely never meet them, but would rather him know the love and support of people who do truly care….than subject him to hate and fakeness.

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7 thoughts on “When Your Family Hates You

  1. As someone with my own family issues, I have come to realize family has nothing to do with blood and everything to do with love. So, based on your post today, I commend you for already knowing this and for surrounding yourself and your son by those who cheer you on and love you through and through.
    My friend, I am always sending you and your little guy so much love!

    Liked by 3 people

  2. I totally get this. I have always had a rocky relationship with my mom (who passed in 2006) and her family. I talk to my aunt (her sister) periodically but that’s about it. They have rarely been there for me for big life events so it’s easier to shut them out.

    We also have some friends my parents age who are more family to my daughter than most of my own blood family.

    It’s frustrating for sure, but I’ve just focused on those who are there for us. Hang in there!

    Liked by 1 person

  3. I’m liking this not because of the situation as a whole, but because of your last paragraph. I have some family members that are just as frustrating, but in different ways. Some of them will not bother to get in touch with me, or see how I’m doing (even though some of them know of our IF issues), or let me know about things going on in their life…but then when they hear of something going on with me, they get all upset that I didn’t tell them myself. It feels fake and forced, more like they want the attention for themselves instead of wanting to know how I’m doing. Drives me nuts!! Anyway…I feel like you’re doing the right thing. You can’t force people to care about you and treat you decently. If you know that there are people who treat you that way, no sense in bringing them into Luke’s life to treat him poorly as well. I’d say you’re better off not stressing about them. *hugs*

    Liked by 2 people

  4. Totally get where you’re coming from. Aside from my mom’s twin and her kids, I’m not close with my family. There’s too much drinking, drugs and drama. There’s also this exhausting pattern of being asshats and then doing a grand gesture and it just gets old, I end up feeling jerked around and uncomfortable with trying to figure out what I ‘owe’ them in terms of reciprocating. With my chosen family I don’t have all that, it’s easy and I love them and I can be myself and things feel stable and predictable. Like family should😃.

    Sounds like Luke isn’t missing out on much. Unfortunately. And that the family you do have more than makes up for it. Still, it’s there loss. And it is a loss.

    Like

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