Surgery For Little Luke

On February 5th Luke is going in for his first surgery. It absolutely breaks my heart knowing that my little man needs a surgery, but I am so thankful that his issue was caught early enough in life that it can be surgically repaired with (hopefully) no long lasting problems.

The reason for the surgery is something that I have been hesitant to discuss on my blog. A few months back, I had a large number of people contact me about our decision to have Luke circumcised. While the decision affects no one but my husband, myself and our child, numerous people felt the need to comment on my post, email me and send me private messages on Facebook. The hype eventually died down but it made me weary of sharing anything more about the subject.

To make a long story short, we were fully intent on having Luke circumcised in the hospital after he was born. Unfortunately (but now fortunately) the doctor on shift that day decided that it would be best to hold off on getting Luke circumcised. We still aren’t sure if he has the same bleeding issues that I do, and it was a big risk to take at the time without first consulting hematology. We did go see the hematologist who said that Luke was too little to have the amount of blood drawn that was needed and wants to see Luke back at 18 months. Because the circumcision had to be delayed past the 6 week mark, we then had to wait until Luke was 6 months old so he could go under general anesthesia for the procedure.

We went in for the consult today with a pediatric urologist. After an exam of Luke’s penis, it was discovered that Luke has an issue with the skin on the underneath side of his penile shaft being too short, and causing his penis to be pulled downward instead of growing out like it should. The technical name for the issue and treatment is a Chordee repair. It is a problem that can cause numerous issues in the future, and the sooner it is corrected the better. Basically they will use the extra skin from the head and top of his penis to extend the skin on the underneath side. The entire procedure went from 5-10 minutes of anesthesia to an hour or more, and possibly a nights stay in the hospital.

If we had gone ahead with the circumcision immediately after birth, the repair would have been extremely difficult, if not impossible. I can’t stop thinking how everything happens for a reason. If one thing had gone according to plan, my son could have been disfigured for life. I am so grateful for the doctor who had enough wisdom to say hold on a moment, because without that decision we could be in a really bad spot right now. I am a bit angry at the pediatrician that we saw for Luke’s two month appointment. I asked her specifically about Luke’s penis and about his reflux…..both of which she said were “normal”. Needless to say we won’t be seeing her anymore.

I also feel an immense sense of guilt. Logically I know that there is absolutely nothing I did to cause this to happen. It was a normal (or not normal) part of Luke’s development that just didn’t go exactly right. It’s not a big deal and really nothing to worry about at all. The illogical part of my body/mind feels so bad that I somehow did this to him. After baking him for 9 months, a few things aren’t quite right. I was comparing it earlier to feeling like I added extra ingredients that made the bread a bit off. It’s so hard being a mom, especially when your little person has medical issues beyond your control. It leaves you feeling helpless and miserable. No matter what you do, you can’t make it go away, you can’t make it better, you can’t take the pain for them. All you can do is sit lovingly by and watch as your tiny person somehow copes and enjoys life. Why does everything have to be so damn hard?

Please say a prayer for little man (and momma) on the 5th.

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16 thoughts on “Surgery For Little Luke

  1. Thinking of all of you. I know what you mean about feeling like it’s on you, but is truly just a mommy issue of guilt where it doesn’t belong. I think about little stuff all the time and bread analogy is dead on. I’m hoping for a quick and speedy recovery for your little guy. He sure is precious.

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  2. I’m glad they caught this early in his life and it’s something that can be taken care of now. You have nothing to feel guilty about…you should feel proud that you left that bad ped behind and found someone new who is willing to listen to you and put what’s best for Luke first! At least if he has this taken care of now, he is small enough that he won’t remember any of it. Wishing him the best of luck, and a fast recovery!

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  3. Sorry the little guy has to undergo surgery. I hope it is easy and quick! How awesome that it is getting taken care of now tho!

    I agree that circumsision is no one’s business but your own. We are all trying to do what’s best for our babes. I had my boys done but my brothers weren’t. All 4 of my brothers have had problems as they’ve gotten older so I feel like I made the best choice I could with the information I have. I don’t see any need for anyone to question that. For me or you.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thank you. I agree 100%! If someone didn’t want to have their child circumcised I would fully support their decision, but you should have seen the nastiness that was sent my way. It was horrid!

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      • Ugh. Thankfully I didn’t hear much/any opposition but I also didn’t give anyone a chance to question what I was doing. But the stuff I read online…. yikes! Both sides have plenty to say about it. Just another mommy war.

        Liked by 1 person

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