Parenting After Infertility And Pregnancy Loss

Whether you are trying to conceive, pregnant or a parent (whether you have children of your own, adopt, foster or are a mommy at heart) the journey through life is full of amazing experiences and for some immense struggles. Trying to conceive and infertility can either make or break a relationship. I am so grateful that our struggles from conception to birth and beyond have made my husband and my relationship stronger and so much better, but the sad reality is that a lot of couples aren’t as lucky. The stress from trying, along with financial issues is too much for a lot of couples. 

Most people are able to conceive without trying, and will never know the pain of trying month after month only to find out that once again you weren’t successful. Even fewer will know the heartache when you finally do get pregnant, only to lose the baby a few days, weeks or months later. They will never understand the pure joy (or utter disappointment) of a positive ovulation test, and most probably won’t be addicted to peeing on things to see if they change color. 

Pregnancy brings its own set of excitement and struggle. The thrill of seeing two pink lines, ultrasounds and dreadful pregnancy symptoms are a badge of honor for the infertile. While at times things can be pretty sucky, you are still so incredibly thankful of what you fought to achieve you really don’t care. The fertile woman will usually go through her pregnancy completely (and blissfully) unaware of the potential for things to go wrong. The infertile woman, especially the infertile woman with a history of miscarraige, pregnancy is not only amazing but also terrifying. You wake up every day wondering if that will be the day your baby’s heart stops beating. Every trip to the bathroom requires a pep talk and action plan in case you see blood. Every ache, pain and symptom is welcome but over analyzed. 

Parenting brings on a whole new level of excitement and fear. You clawed your way up from the bottom of the pit and fought to get and stay pregnant. You worried for 9 months, and finally delivered a (hopefully) happy and healthy baby. This should be the easy part…….should be. In my opinion, parenting is by far the most emotionally difficult aspect of the game. Don’t get me wrong: negative test after negative test, the loss of a life and the daily fear something is going to happen is emotionally exhausting. Parenting takes on a whole new level of feelings. 

You look at your bundle of joy with a love you never knew you could feel for someone. You would do anything for this tiny person, and you want nothing but happiness and sunshine for them. A lack of sleep, sore nipples and vomit stained clothes are so worth it. But…..there are times when you feel completely inadequate as a parent. As crazy as it sounds, and as much as you really don’t feel that way, you question whether y are the best thing for your child. You want them to be happy, but wonder if you are causing them sorrow. 

I think every new parent feels some level of sadness and questions whether or not they are doing the best thing for their baby. We, as parents, do the absoulte best that we can. Our babies know we love them and only want the best for them. 

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4 thoughts on “Parenting After Infertility And Pregnancy Loss

  1. “Pregnancy is amazing but also terrifying” yes. Yes. I couldn’t agree more. I mirror many of these feelings. Please know there is no greater mommy for Luke than you. You went through so much to bring him into the world and that in it of itself shows the depth of your love. You are doing an amazing job as a new mom…he’s very lucky to have such a passionate, caring mom in you!

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Man, I was hoping the fear would end with a healthy birth. But I’m glad you wrote about it. As I know now to brace myself for parenting. ❤ I hate and love how infertility has changed my life forever. I feel like I have so pain and fear.. Which I hate.. But love that I have so much compassion and a new sense of life due to the hardship of infertility.

    Liked by 1 person

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