I Never…..

We have all either seen the game, or played it at some point in our lives. You know the game: you say something that you have never done and anyone else that hasn’t done it takes a drink. As the days wear on, I realized that parenting is just one big game of I never. There are so many things that I swore I wouldn’t ever do as a parent, that I do all the time!

1) I would never eat fast food – reality check…… We eat fast food for at least one meal a day. Yes I prepared numerous freezer meals to make life easier, but I still don’t have the time to actually prepare the meals. At this point I don’t even feel guilty about eating nothing but junk food because at least I am eating something.

2) I would never feed my baby formula – due to a slowly developing milk supply, feeding the baby formula became a medical necessity. Yes, I would have loved to exclusively breast fed but it wasn’t in the cards for us. We are working on transistioning away from the formula, but it is a slow process. Luke doesn’t seem to get enough food from me to sustain himself more than an hour sometimes and having the formula to fall back on has made life so much better sometimes. 

3) I would never let my baby sleep in the same bed as Ronny and I – when we brought Luke home from the hospital I freaked out because I couldn’t see him in the napper. Aside from one night he partially spent in a rock and play, Luke sleeps either on my chest or as the small spoon up against my belly and legs. I am so much more comfortable having him in the bed with Ronny and I than I am having him in his own sleeping space right now. Not only do I feel like we are creating a bond, but it’s easier to feed him in the middle of the night without having to move much. I have also noticed his breathing is less erratic when he sleeps on my chest rather than in his own place.

4) I will never be sad – in all seriousness I am having a hard time adjusting to not being pregnant. I’m not sure how much of my emotions are normal postpartum hormone induced mood swings and how much is borderline postpartum depression. As much as I wish I was so happy and energetic, reality is I have moments of pure sadness and despair. This mom thing is a whole lot harder than I ever thought it would be.

5) I’ll still have time for normal daily activities – I have no time for anything. Luke eats constantly and leaves very little time for anything that doesn’t involve him. I’m trying to stay up to date on others lives on various social media platforms, but I’m way behind. I have numerous messages and emails that I just don’t have time to respond to. 

Regardless of how I thought I would be as a parent, I have learned quickly that things don’t always go according to the plan and improvisation is the key to successful parenting. Being set in my thoughts and beliefs nearly drove me crazy. By remaining flexible I am such a better mom and have a much happier baby boy (and spoiled). There are bound to be kore things that change from my ideal. All I can do is handle each day as it comes and know that I am doing my very best.

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7 thoughts on “I Never…..

  1. I think you are doing a great job to realise this all so early. Being a mum IS tough, especially those early days. I remember when my baby was about 10 days old I called a friend begging her to tell me how she got her babies to sleep and bless her, she didn’t laugh at me. She just said “he’s just a newborn, give it time”. She also said “things will get easier around the 6 months mark”. She intended to comfort me by it but I was horrified. Six months of this? Anyway as it turns out 6 months actually isn’t that long and it does kind of get better in small ways on the way but it really does seem to break through for all babies at that point. So focus on that in the hard moments. And don’t forget to ask for help if you do feel the sads hanging around for too long. x

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  2. I think you’re doing a great job. I know that it has to be hard for people who like to plan everything out (like me!!!) because things never seem to go as planned with babies and kids. It’s great that you’ve figured that out already, and have learned to adjust and go with the flow. Don’t beat yourself up over every little thing. You have to figure out what works best for the 3 of you and just make it all work.

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  3. I think you are very wise. You’re doing what your family needs. That’s all any of us can do. Nothing can prepare us for what motherhood really is. It’s beautiful, it’s exhausting, it’s all encompassing, it’s the most rewarding and selfless thing we can do, and you’re doing a great job. Also, I feel that pain of not being pregnant anymore too. As hard as that was as well, I almost mourn the end of it. I’m sure there are a few great reasons for it. I can definitely think of a couple, but I can tell you, as time goes on that ache becomes less painful to bear. Especially as your baby grows and starts to smile at you. My little girl just turned a month old and gave me one precious smile today. It did wonders for my soul! Keep on being awesome, because you are.

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