Please Don’t Tell Me This

This post was inspired by a group of wonderful women that I met through an online ttc and pregnancy support site. I’ve been thinking of writing this for awhile, but was battling with the idea until I decided today to go for it. There are certain things that a pregnant woman does not want to hear. While you may mean well, we are about to push a tiny human being out of our bodies, and don’t really need to hear some very specific things……especially from the grocery store clerk, the old lady at the barber or the random person walking around.

First up is how much labor and delivery hurts. I’m sorry if you experienced a painful labor, but no one really knows how an individual is going to respond to the pain of labor. I for one have a pretty high pain tolerance thanks in large part to an abundance of medicinal allergies and a body that processes pain medications quickly. I have had numerous medical procedures, broken bones set and my wisdom teeth removed with absolutely no pain medications. Hell, I even walked around with a broken leg for 4 days before going to the doctor a few years ago. While I am completely prepared for this to be a painful experience, I don’t really need to hear over and over how painful it is.

I also don’t really need to hear about whether or not to get an epidural. Each pregnancy and each labor is unique. While I don’t judge your decision to either have an epidural, use another pain management technique or go natural, I don’t really need you to tell me what pain management technique I should use. In fact, I don’t know why random people care so much about what choice you have made.Yes I plan to try this unmedicated, but am all for a PCA line if I can’t handle the pain. I cannot have an epidural. That doesn’t make me a “brave soul,” or “strong.” It makes my delivery a bit more complicated, but he’s still coming out regardless. It doesn’t really matter how he comes out, it all hurts at the end of the day.

You can keep your opinions on how big/small I am to yourself as well. I don’t mind being asked how far along I am or when I am due……but do you have to make the “oh my” face? I can’t tell if you think I’m too small for my gestational age or think I look like a hippo. The “you’re about to pop” comment also doesn’t make me feel very good about myself. I realize that at this point I look like a beached whale and probably look like I am actually about to deliver any second…..but a simple congratulations is all I really need.

Staring at me doesn’t help either. I realize that I don’t look anywhere near 31 years old…..and when I’m walking with my husband he probably looks borderline pedophile. It’s really none of your business how old I am, or if I am capable of having a child. I can hear the whispers, and feel the dagger stares. It’s rude, and doesn’t affect your life in any way, shape or form.

The biggest offender I have…..the one that drives me absolutely nuts……get sleep now because you will never sleep again. Really? Never sleep again? While I know that sleeping patterns definitely change (no more 12 hour sleeps for me), to say that I will literally never sleep again is a pretty big overstatement. The next 60 years or so of my life are going to suck pretty bad if I never sleep again. To be honest, the 2 hours of sleep that I anticipate getting post delivery are going to be glorious compared to the 4 days it takes me to get 2 hours of sleep now…..and I can get more than 2 hours in in one day!

At the end of the day please remember that you are speaking to a hormonally charged, bigger than usual pregnant woman who is probably already scared to death. While you may be trying to help, right now we don’t need horror stories but compassion and kindness. Open a door for me, get something off a high shelf for me, offer a smile.

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17 thoughts on “Please Don’t Tell Me This

  1. The sleep one really drove me nuts, especially now that she’s here because my baby is a pretty good sleeper. Five weeks tomorrow and last night she went 6.5 hours in her bassinet. I’ve done zero sleep training-we just have a bedtime routine that relaxes her and she nurses really well and that’s that. But even when she was waking every three hours it really wasn’t that big of a deal. I nursed her, my husband changed her, and we were back to sleep. Every baby is different, but yeah. That one pissed me off and couldn’t be less true for me.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. We’ve been getting “stock up on sleep now” which is effing ridiculous, its not a bank from which I can withdraw my saved up sleep anytime I choose. So stupid!
    Ignore them all! Your birth will be your unique experience!
    And YOU’RE SO CLOSE NOW EEEEK!

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Right on!

    I got these too. I was asked if I was having multiples more than once.

    People also assumed I was 17 an not married. I got asked “if I was still with the father” and offered a tract about getting married instead of living together.

    It’s okay to be a little sassy if you want.

    Like

  4. God yes. These were so annoying. I never understood why being pregnant suddenly made my body free reign for discussion with strangers. I had people ask me about circumcision about breast-feeding and more very personal topics. My boobs and my sons penis are not up for discussion random lady in the nail salon!

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  5. Oh and I got “you sure you’re not having twins?! Have your doctor check again, you’re so big!” by a lady at work who got very close to getting throat punched by me toward the end of my pregnancy

    Liked by 1 person

  6. I found this post to be absolutely hilarious and also deserving of a round of applause. It’s so freaking true! People can be so rude sometimes… I was just asked the other day if I’m having twins and another lady told me my baby was going to be big. I’m 5 ft tall (or short, however you want to look at it lol), weighed 98 lbs before pregnancy and it’s my first baby… Of course my belly is going to be big for me and yet the baby isn’t even 7 lbs yet. Anyway my point is that I completely understand why you would be annoyed! So many people speak without thinking and pregnancy teaches us that common sense from others is not so common. So once again, love the post! Not much longer to go, can’t wait to read a post about baby Luke being born 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  7. While I have never had any of these things said to me bc Ive never gotten that far when pregnant, I still loved this post! It made me chuckle bc people always find something to say whether its marriage, infertility, pregnancy, kids, etc. Im glad u wrote it bc some people do need to step back and reconsider some of their “advice” at times!

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  8. Yep. People can be so annoying and/or insensitive. Now, my least favorite questions when I take Emerson out are: When are you going to have another one? or Is she your first?

    Liked by 1 person

  9. Nothing like horror stories of the delivery room. No thanks. Never appreciated. And if never tell mine to a new mom who’s never been there.

    Liked by 1 person

  10. Reblogged this on Ladylove & Babydust and commented:
    Written by a fellow blogger I couldn’t resist reposting her blog post and sharing my points to it as well.

    From most annoying to least.

    1. Telling me I need/should get an epidural based on their experience. I’m glad it was helpful to you and you feel confident in your past choice, however have you asked me why I don’t want one? Probably not and if you did I’m sure it wouldn’t make a difference anyway. Let me make my own choices as you did once it’s not respectful to try to lead me to a decision I’m not comfortable with by fear tactics and stories.

    2. That we will never sleep again. Read what my fellow blog friend wrote, it sums it up quite well.

    3. That we will need more help than we could ever imagine. I’m sure we will need a lot of help, but the constant reminder feels more like a scare tactic than a well meaning comment. Plus it always comes from people assuming how terribly hard parenting twins “could” be and ever from other twin parents.

    3. To soak in my boredom now. Every time I say how bored I am and how I can’t wait for the babies to get her I am bombarded by preppie telling me to enjoy it. To love being alone cause you will hate not being bored ever again. I worked hard to have these babies and have wanted them my whole life, I’m bored because I’m ready to spend the rest of my life NOT being bored and soaking in the love and challenges of parenting them. These well meaning people make kids sound horrible and like they never wanted them and it bothers me.

    4. Telling me “but your having twins” after every complaint or comment about my pregnancy concerns. Saying this every time I say anything about my swollen feet, swollen belly, heartburn or size. Let alone just speaking of my pregnancy generally. It makes me feel like my ailments aren’t valid or that somehow I don’t/can’t understand why I feeling the way I am.

    5. The comment “I wish I had a wife” in reference to Kate wanting to breastfeed the babies or anything she does for me. I’m sorry your husband sucked at his job of taking care of you during pregnancy or your newborn babies, but saying that you wish you had a wife sounds ignorant. It makes my marriage sound like a “choice” or in someway more “fun” than a “real” marriage. All these terms have been used over and over with us and I’m tired of it. Can you stop seeing us as just a female partnership and instead assume that our marriage and relationship is more similar to your hetero one than you’d think?! Cause guess what, it is.

    I understand that all these comments are not coming from an unloving place but the thoughtlessness behind them is frustrating and sometimes just hurtful. It would be really nice if everyone could think a bit more before they talk.

    Like

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