Milestones

Trying to conceive is filled with waiting for something to happen. Pregnancy is very similar. Once you get the positive test you wait for beta numbers, then you make it to your first ultrasound, next up is the end of the first trimester, the anatomy scan, viability. The list goes on and on. 

This month I have personally reached several milestones in this pregnancy. Looking back at the past 26 weeks, I am thoroughly amazed at what my body has been able to do. This month though……

• We reached the point known as viability, where the baby is able to (with medical help) survive outside of the womb if he had to. This milestone brought a great deal of relief after going through three losses. Up until we hit that 24 week mark, I lived in daily fear that my baby would die or need to be born and he wouldn’t be able to survive. Hitting that 24 week mark and knowing that with each passing day we are more likely to take home our baby……well I can’t even describe the feeling.
• This month we are also completing our last week in the second trimester and beginning the third trimester. We are entering the final stretch to parenthood. As we move closer and closer to delivery I am becoming more and more afraid. I’ve never been through the labor process (other than the miscarriages which were nowhere near what I imagine actual labor will be like) and am terrified that I won’t be able to do it, or something will go wrong. 
• Today we reached the point where we only have double digits until tiny tot arrives. That 99 days mark really snuck up on me and to be honest I’m kind of freaking out. 99 days or less until this little one comes and I’m not quite ready for him yet. I know I still have time but I want to be as prepared as possible. You should have seen me jump out of bed this morning when I saw that 99! I went through the apartment like a tornado trying to clean as fast as I could. 
• Last but not least, today marks 1 year from when our first bundle of joy was estimated to arrive. It’s been 21 months since our very first bfp. 21 months since our life was turned upside down and all around. Not a day goes by that I don’t think about our angel and wonder what life would be like if he or she had made it and not been killed off by my hostile uterus. Without that experience and the experiences that followed I would never be where I am today. 
• Oh…..and not really a milestone but I have reached the point where I will no longer be able to paint my own toenails after today. It took me almost 2 hours trying to manipulate my feet into a position in which I could actually reach all my toes. This polish will come off in a week or so and its up to Ronny or my mom to help me out from here on out.

I have cried literally non stop today. A mixture of pregnancy hormones and emotions of the day made me a weepy mess. I cried, and I cried hard. The ugly kind of cry that leaves your eyes red and puffy and boogers smeared all over your face. I tried to stay busy and get stuff done around the house, but unfortunately my eyes didn’t seem to get the memo and continued to leak pretty much all day. 

Tomorrow my plan is to accompany my mom to the doctor and hang out with “Charlie” and “Stinky” and hopefully have a great day. I might even try to get some crib or pack n play sheets or burp cloths made.